I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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