stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
