take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
