Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
