I wish my penis had an off switch
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize