What a fucking waste of an outfit
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
