i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
