How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
