when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
