He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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