wakey wakey hands off snakey
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
