No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize