And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
