my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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