I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
