Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
