Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
