it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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