This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
