Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
