I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm way too hungover for life right now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
