Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
