Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
