How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize