I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
