To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
