yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize