when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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