Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
