dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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