And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
