if only i could text you this smell
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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