She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
