too bad you live with your parents still
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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