I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
