Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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