I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize