How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Did I show you my penis last night?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize