He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
