So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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