guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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