...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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