I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize