I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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