Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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