With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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