Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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