Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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