Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
