he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
