I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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