Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
