woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
