How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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