In the future we'll all be gay
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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