are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
