You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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