then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize