The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
