dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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