Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
