the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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