3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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