I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
