if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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