Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
