You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
