I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
