i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
